Comment Cards Lead to an Improved Way of Life
Andy Alkaline
©Mental Dimensions Humor Ezine
11/13/2005

One perk of being mentally ill is that I'm not stuck in reality all of the time. I've got nothing against reality, and reality has nothing against me except for the prison bars, and a guard standing over me waiting to shatter my kneecaps. One man's reality is another man's distraction; I heard a governor mention on the television that President Bush has had some distractions recently. The governor wasn't speaking directly about Hurricane Katrina, but Katrina did enter my mind. I think that the Hurricane was much more of a distraction to the denizens of the affected areas than to the President. I understand what the governor meant, but it's not as if President Bush was sitting in a library in New Orleans yelling, "Somewun shut that window! The wind is blowin' in mah ears, an' the rains are makin' the payjiz wet on mah Calvin and Hobbes comic! Yeah! Ah don't have to ask or say please. Ah'm the President! Yee-Hah! If ah wanted to, ah could be President of this here Library, too! Yee-Hah!"

Business reply comment cards to submit ratings and feedback for the White House administration would be a nice convenience. I've always believed that comment cards are a great way to improve service to customers and taxpayers. There are quite a few restaurants that have changed policy because of the comment cards I've filled out and mailed back to them. Comment cards would also work well in social situations. Often I wonder if my behavior has been appropriate, will my phone call be returned, do people like me or are they conspiring to throw tacks in front of me wherever I go (Yes, I do wonder about some of the same concerns which plague President Bush and the Secret Service). If I had a stack of comment cards with me, I could pass one out to everyone who I socialize with, or even people with whom I briefly exchanged pleasantries and small-talk.

Please Check Yes, No, or Maybe:

  1. Did you only talk to me because you were bored and had nothing better to do?
  2. Did you only talk with me because you were afraid that if you ignored me you would hurt my feelings?
  3. Do you plan on changing your phone number anytime soon to evade my phone calls?
  4. When you smiled, was it only out of courtesy?
  5. Did I say or do anything which seemed odd, strange, or extremely unusual?
  6. Were my facial expressions accurate?
  7. Did I laugh in all the right places?
  8. Would you allow me to date your sister or help walk your aging grandmother across the street?
  9. Will you be taking a different route to work in order to avoid running into me again?
  10. When you said, "I have to go now," were you lying?
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